It seems like a perfect Sunday morning on a winter day; warm, lazy, and sunny. I have always loved winter mornings. Autumn leaves on the pavement and faded sun rays failing to keep anything warm adds more to the scene I am currently enjoying while sipping freshly brewed chai on a breakfast table.
When I gaze the passersby from my kitchen window, I am also thinking about the realization I have had in the past few days. Although this country has to offer everything in the name of a decent lifestyle, I am enjoying none of it. Without my children, I feel lonely and a lonely person is an empty person.
In the past few years, I have lived in so many countries with my children for the purpose of finding a new life to settle and to call a new country ‘our home’. We have seen the good days and the bad days together. Some days were fun too. From finding a new apartment in a perfect neighborhood to buying everything for our home from scratch, it was a new day every day. Cafe hopping, traveling 3 hours to watch a movie at the best theatre (Mission Impossible by the way), trying doner (Turkish Shawarma) of all the famous restaurants, hitting the freeway when bored, or just being in the pajamas on a cold Sunday evening enjoying our favorite home cooked food, we have knitted all those memories being together. These memories have kept us all warm on the cold challenging days of life.
When I look back, I also have realized that I did not make any friends. I had no social life either because I never needed any. I never felt lonely around my children. I never wanted anything else except for having them around. We have a perfect family, a trio that is sufficient to keep us happy. A relationship that is beyond a parent children relationship. We have shared our secrets, build each other up, solaced in the rough times, planned everything together, asked for each other advices, and even gossiped at a dinner table. I have realized we have had everything we always wanted. We have not only enjoyed each other’s company so far but we have celebrated ‘us’; ‘our bond’ and ‘our love’ for each other.
When I pen down my void being lonely, I know deep inside that no blessing in this world can replace my shining stars without whom my life would be an endless dark tunnel. So, this is for my mature and strong headed teenage lady and a restless philosopher’s soul, I am just a dry autumn leaf without you guys who will wander place to place at the mercy of wind and will have no destination. I love you guys with all my heart and soul. I wish we reunite soon. Ameen Ya Rab
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